27 Thoughts I had After ‘Going Live’ About Forms of Abuse I’ve Experienced

By Janey Tate

Have you ever done something that you’re proud of and regretful for at the same time? Yeah me neither until I went live on Facebook to explain the abuse I had experienced at the hands of men I trusted who are “model citizens.” The video came after I had made two FB posts about abuse coming from the hands and mouths of men you trust and starting South Florida’s #MeToo Movement. In another article, I’ll explain in detail why I didn’t name names and officially start the movement here. That’s a question that keeps popping up.

Click the link to watch the Facebook Live video so you can check out what I discussed.

After I hit the “end live video” button on my laptop, my phone was flooded with texts, direct messages and calls from people who had no idea I had gone through those incidents.  But immediately after the video I was thinking:

(In no particular order)

1. Wtf did I just do?

2. Why do I want to cry? This stuff didn’t happen today.

3. Why do I feel like I walked in front of a group of people naked?

4. They’re gonna think I’m really crazy now.

5 Will people still like me?

6. Wow a lot of people watched this

7. My heart goes out to the women sharing their similar stories in the comments and my messages

8. Was it really that bad what those guys did to you?… Yes girl! Did you hear yourself? It’s not normal boo.

9. I wonder if the guys I’m talking about watched this. Yep they did. One even liked the post. How will they react?

10. Wow speaking my truth was liberating

11. Oh shit the fam didn’t know this stuff. They in the comments like wtf.

12. I’m shocked at who watched and didn’t call me….

13. So Who’s gonna drag me?.. I’ll be ready.

14. Bitch breathe. Why are you so nervous?

15. Oh shit did you really tell them the bugar story? Girl they gonna call you bugar eater

16. That was harder than I thought it would be to explain what happened.

17. Did I really look like Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale on my balcony and only needed Mary J. Blige’s “Not Gone Cry” playing in the background.

18. Yay they didn’t laugh at the bugar story

19. Why did you stay with him so long?

20. Oh gosh, will I have to fight their families if people put the pieces together?

21. Wow, the support from women is touching my heart!

22. Damn men, black men are lifting me up too.

23. Wow, men deal with shit like this too. That’s terrible.

24. I wonder what my therapist is gonna think of this?

25. Damn I hope I don’t ruin people’s lives by speaking my truth.

26. I hope they really understand why I did this.

27. Oh well it’s out there now. As long as it helps someone and starts a convo on accountability in the community then I’m good.

Those were my thoughts and I’m still unpacking what I did, said and how it’s affecting people. I’ve been a pretty private person in regards to my personal life like most people. Stuff that I’m embarrassed or hurt by I’ve kept to myself or only shared with a close friend who I felt would understand. This purge of information happened for a myriad of reasons but the main ones are because I wanted to help create a safe space to share these type of stories, start a conversation about accountability, push the importance of self care and mental health, and to stop feeling like a fraud. I say fraud because I’ve been preaching black pride and building  and respecting the community here, but I wasn’t demanding respect for myself. This was my way of fixing how I felt.

As I said in the live video, we’ll post your #SafeSpace stories here on Hy-Lo News if you want to share anonymously or not.

If you want to message me directly for resources on getting help to heal from abuse of any kind email at Hylonews@gmail.com.

Chime in with your thoughts on this topic.